Does it all matter?

Times Are A Changing

Thu, 14 Apr 2005 08:40:47 GMT

I Have Decided To Move!
Check Out My New Place for Rants & Raves...@

http://OhMyCrazyLife.blogspot.com/

This is where I'll be posting from now on..

Good Bye LJ..Your Minimalistic Ways Have Treated Me Well.. but its on to bigger & Better things.
Oh the tears I've cried.. the laughs we've shared... will never be forgotten!

Thanks!

Make The Trip.. and Come See My New Place!

Yesterday is 1 second ago.

Tue, 12 Apr 2005 09:07:25 GMT

(Switchfoot- This is your life)

Yesterday is a wrinkle on your forehead
Yesterday is a promise that you’ve broken
Don’t close your eyes, don’t close your eyes
This is your life and today is all you’ve got now
Yeah, and today is all you’ll ever have
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Yesterday is a kid in the corner
Yesterday is dead and over

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes
Don’t close your eyes

This is your life are you who you want to be
This is your life are you who you want to be

This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, are you who you want to be
This is your life, is it everything you dreamed it would be
When the world was younger and you had everything to lose

And you had everything to lose

----------------------------------
This freaking song kept playing and playing over and over in my mind.
In my pursuit to continually improve myself.. I sadly feel I am not accomplishing what I should. Why am I so afraid of change? Afraid of the unknown? Hell I'm really not afraid of much anything or anyone.. Over the past few days.. I really haven't cared much for anyone.. I act like I'm listening.. thinking.. and trying to understand whats going on, but I am so consumed with my life that I can't even be a decent friend. Hell.. I haven't talked to Lyndsey for days.. I haven't called Kendall.. Bradley & I hung out for 10 minutes after Phillip wooped up on him.. (lol) no.. its not funny.. but yeah it kinda is. (sorry boys.. you crack me up sometimes)
But with all this outside commotion going on.. I am actually trying to focus on whats right for me.. and my future. The only sad thing is, that I really have no idea what the right thing truly is. Yes, I have rambled on here about a lot of decisions & jobs.. but honestly, I really don't think I know who I actually am. I've been so caught up in the drama of other peoples lives that I've never focused on the quality of my own. Am I the person I am meant to be? Will I ever be that person? Everyday, I am finding more and more things I don't like about whats going on in my life.. just from things I've bought or situations I've set myself up for. I just don't know whats right anymore. This facade of Jeff Lewis that everyone knows.. is it truly me? I know by going to St.Louis, I am hurting my mom.. my dad on the other hand is proud of me accomplishing college. No matter how many times they say that they don't have expectations for me other then to just be happy, I know that there is and will always be a lot of things that I can't accomplish that they wanted from their youngest son.
I can't let their expectations ruin or change what my priorities are but they have some direct effect on everything.. they way I act.. to my stubbornness to how freaking goofy I can be.
But with all this said.. Where do I stand? What are my priorities, goals, and accomplishments that I want to achieve? I really don't know.
Over the next few weeks, when I should be enjoying the company of the friends and people that care that are still left in Springfield, I think I am going to take a step back.. re-evaluate, set up some realistic goals, find out what my soul is really about. It's time for me, the real me, for once. Now's a better time then ever to decide what that needs to be.

& The Bet Is ON!

Mon, 11 Apr 2005 03:13:16 GMT

Well. I've had myself a weekend. I've been through all sorts of emotions and I dunno why. Maybe its the meds i've been on.. who knows. Anyway, so last night, I went to Flame with my friend Mandi for drinkage in their kick ass martini lounge downstairs. That place is totally the shit. Although I don't like the food they serve. Blah.. over priced crappy steak. While we were drinking, Mandi and I made a bet. This bet is similar to the movie 40Days & Nights.. or something like that. Basically the bet goes like this.. I cannot touch myself.. make out with anyone, or have ANY sexual physical contact for 30 days. Mandi can't either.. the person who looses has to take the other out for a night on the town all expenses paid. I could care less about the prize.. I just like to win. This is going to be sooooo difficult! Why are we doing this? Well...we're bored and its Springfield & we have nothing better to do.

After I left here.. I went and hooked up!!! I gotta get as much sex in as I can b/c it starts tonight 04/10 @ Midnight!

After that.. I met David & Jessie @ Fridays for more drinks.. then they left and Bradley came to Fridays and we had a few beverages.. lets just say I was feeling good. When that was all said and done, I was hungry b/c I hadn't ate that day so I went to Waffle house.. I get eggs (over medium) and toast. At the WH they call out their orders to the cook.. and the lady called my order out and the cook just looked at me like I had killed his mom or something..and said I QUIT!
The server girl had no clue what to do. She looked at me and said What Should I Do?! I said I dunno.. but I am a Hospitality & Restaurant Admin major.. and I can cook!
So My Drunk ASS... got behind the counter and started making things. Eggs, Hashbrowns, waffles, you name it... then about 30 minutes later the manager showed up and was like Whos this guy?! I replied.. the guy thats saving your ass! I'm done... I made myself a plate of eggs and left.

Today rolled around and I decided to clean up the apt. It looks pretty good.
I also made dinner for Ryan and Mandi.. made some pasta.. toasted ravolli.. garlic toast and salad.. it was good stuff.
Then I watched some Queer As Folk.. got depressed and went to Barnes & Noble.. then to WhiteTrashMart aka Walmart. I needs to be getting to bed.. I've gotta work at 7am. I fuckin hate Mondays. Oh yeah.. my cold is getting better. Can't wait til its all gone.

Banned From Benadryl

Fri, 08 Apr 2005 08:58:13 GMT

So this week has been shitty.. Not eventful shitty.. But I felt like shit. I haven't gotten sick in ... ahh.. probably 3 years. Then all of a sudden my tonsils are touching and they look like the have crop circles in them. Next I am hacking up a lung and waking up without a voice? My neck and body aches and I have a pounding headache! Should I go get checked out? OH hells no. I bought some Wal-dryl aka the off brand Benadryl, some Mucinex (some shit the pharmicist at Walgreens recommended), and some Wal-itin.. once again.. the generic Claritin. Apparently since I'm on Atenolol for my Neurocardiogenic Syncope, I can't have regular decongestant b/c it will fuck with my heart rate. But I remember from back in the day, that my Dr. I went to as a kid, said I shouldn't take Benadryl b/c it gives me a partial chemical imbalance. SO... I'm fucked.. but I took it.. hopefully the 15 years since then has allowed me to overcome that. But I do feel it working and kicking my ass.. saying GET TO BED!

Next! On Wednesday, I removed Starla from the voicemail, turned off all the breakers to her room & bathroom, and turned off the breakers to the washer & dryer (unless I'm using it). See, I have the breaker box in my bedroom and a key locked door. Therefore when I leave, there's no getting in my room to turn the shit on. Now you may be asking yourself, why did you do this to her? My reply is simple. She hasn't paid her Utility, Cable, or Phone bill in over 2 months. Well.. how much does she owe me you may also be asking?? Almost $400. I know 400$ isn't too much.. but its $400 out of my pocket for February & March bills.
So.. she has the balls to Text message me on Wednesday night. I dunno if she came to the apartment ( she hasn't actually slept here in over a month but her shit is here) to do laundry, or if she tried to call and get her messages... but here is the EXACT text message War we had. Want proof of this conversation.. I saved it in my cell phone.

S= Starla
J= Jeff

04/06/05 @ 19:10
S- We need to talk asap. I am sick of this stupid bullshit.

J- What bullshit are u talking about? You not paying ur bills? Or me changing the voicemail & turning off ur power bc of this?

S- Well considering i was going to pay u tomorrow and i have owed money to other places.. I thought u might be a little more accepting.

J- Accepting is giving u 2 weeks to pay after i put the bills out. Its been 2 months. So don't talk to me about being accepting!

S- I sure am sorry i have to pay for so many other things. But it would have been nice for us to talk about it first.

J- Plus how would i know u were going to pay tomorrow? U said you would pay on the 22nd its now apr 6

J- Its like this.. You pay your bills u get everything.. If you don't.. you don't get Fuck!

J- Don't blame me 4 ur mishap. P.s ur not the only 1 with financial responsibilities. I've got to work now i'm finished with this

S- I am dont with this now too. But not for good. this will be settled.

***End Text War***
So after that laugh or two from her last comment.. I went back to work.
I have no doubt I am completely in the right on this. I mean what company is going to keep your lights on.. your phone, internet, and cable on if you don't pay for 2 mths?! Why should she get away and use this scott free?
Anyway.. so 04/07 (thursday) rolls around and I am home all day until 3:30, yeah.. I skipped my classes.. and did I hear from her? did i get a check from her? NO! NOTHING! FUCK HER!!.. making me look like the bad guy.. Awe.. poor Starla is always the Victim.

Oh lord.. I dunno how much more I can do.. i need sleepy.. oh Wal dryl.. why are you doing this! I better be better in the morning!
So today is Friday! WAHOO.. what do i have going on? Oh.. just lunch & bed shopping with Naomi.. work.. and sleep. Nothing to do this weekend but clean.. fill out & send my graduation invites.. and make dinner on Sunday night.

Kendall left town yesterday too.. Makes me sad inside. I didn't get to hang with him much while he was here.. He's a good kid. I wish him and the Squishy Machine the best! Hopefully I can make it out to DC when my life settles down a bit.

Okay.. I give up. The fuckin meds are taking over.. I'm done.
I'll start updating this more often .. when I am alive.

This Shit is Bananas! B-A-N-A-N-A-S!

Mon, 04 Apr 2005 06:46:57 GMT

So will what happened in Panama City Beach, Stay in Panama City Beach? We'll see. So my new official spring break nick name is Skunky..b/c I got skunky drunk! We had some great days of beach time, sun time, then club time and plenty of drinking time. I won't go into too much detail but I had some fun that the girls that I was with didn't know much about and well.. it happened.. (ps. Springbreak Menz are Hotties!) The whole time down there I didn't give a blink of an eye thought about Springfield..Kc or STL or life at all.. I really enjoyed myself for the most part. If you have any questions.. I'll be happy to answer in person or tell u all about the stories.
My freakin light bulb is about to go out in my bed room. I'm tired and need to get to bed b/c Amy Keith is coming to town TODAY (Monday) and I have the day off work! So.. all I really have to do is class at 630. Wahoo.. And the grind begins once again.

Also..Gwen Stefani is the Shit! I love her song Hallaback Girl

Drink me

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 12:26:45 GMT

Bourbon
Congratulations! You're 120 proof, with specific scores in beer (60) , wine (50), and liquor (86).

Screw all that namby-pamby chick stuff, you're going straight for the
bottle and a shot glass! It'll take more than a few shots of Wild
Turkey or 99 Bananas before you start seeing pink elephants. You know
how to handle your alcohol, and yourself at parties.

My test tracked 4 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

You scored higher than 36% on proof
You scored higher than 87% on beer index
You scored higher than 86% on wine index
You scored higher than 93% on liquor index

Link: The Alcohol Knowledge Test written by hoppersplit on Ok Cupid

Fuck'n A

Sat, 26 Mar 2005 11:03:49 GMT

It's So Funny How Life Just Changes right before your eyes. So currently I pretty much have a rocking job with CPK (California Pizza Kitchen). Yeah.. its in STL.. and I am so torn. Do I want to give up my house.. to take this position? I had my heart set on this place.. its like a little girl asking for a Barbie Deamhouse for Christmas and then Santa has a stroke. WTF! This job is way better than the Harrah's one. Here's the breakdown :

40k a yr

Quarterly bonus @ 15% of salary

5 day work weeks

Free trip to LA for training

Insurance and that bull shit

Stock options

Advancement opps.

Also, they are opening a new one in KC in a yr.

Its too good to turn down! but now I have to freaking find a place to live in STL. It just sooo sucks b/c all that time directed to KC is now shot to hell. Why do I even try and plan anything? Life just takes me in 10 different directions then what I thought. & then my mom calls me up after I tell her about how well my interview went and told her its probably going to be STL.. well she was all upset.. like upset crying. b/c she was excited to actually have me home. My parents are getting older.. well 50's and I think they want to spend time with me.. probably because they don't know the real me. I can't be what they think I am. If only there was a secret camera floating around watching me.. the things they would learn about their son that they never knew. I think they wouldn't know what to do. Yeah, my mom knows me and how I react to things.. but they have no clue to the real life I lead. I find it humorous and tiring. Its like I'm clark kent or superman or some bullshit.. trying to keep it all together.
Oh Spfld is sucking. All my friends that I can actually chill with have left. They are all in KC, STL, or all over the country. What do I do around here? Oh.. just class and work. BTW I worked 60 hours @ freakin hotels.com this week.. hella overtime but i freakin lived there this week. So I've had no sleep, and i've gotta drive to STL today and then I am leaving to Panama City Beach, FL on Sunday. WOOT! I can't wait. I am not even going to think about this bull shit while I'm gone. I also paid my friend Mandi to clean my apt while I'm gone too... Oh the fun filled things she'll stumble upon.. hahaha anyway I am outta here for now.. packing the suitcase.. gonna get in a hour or 2 of sleep.. then hair cut, oil change.. & STL/PCB here I come. This is my last true college experience next to graduation... crazy and that bull shit it coming up soon too.. LORD
I'm outtie

Its Miller Time

Choices!

Tue, 22 Mar 2005 06:47:39 GMT

This weekend was really.. lets just say.. interesting.
Saturday, I had my interview with Harrah's. It went really well, but the guy that interviewed me, the Director of F&B talked.. and talked.. and I just couldn't relate with him at all. The job was offered at 35k a yr working 60-65hr/ weeks for like the first yr then after all the new operations were opened my hours would become less. But honestly, I don't think they would. So I broke the salary down into a hourly aspect. 65 hours a week = $11.21/hr before taxes. Umm... yeah.. I dunno what to think
Then I went shopping with mom for furniture at Benchmark. Everything there is shit but I did find a bedroom set I wanted. I got really pissed at Mom b/c she was all .. let me know what kind of stuff you like, and I'll find it for you? I was like WTF is that!? I just told her, give me a total amount I can spend and I'll make it work. She wouldn't.. and I was like whatever.. the only reason I came out here was to be with you and talk and things.. and she said " do you think this was some kind of mom and son bonding event?" I about wanted to punch the bitch. We got in the car and argued about a whole bunch of shit then we got home and dad was all.. so when you move back are you going to be straight and be over that gay phase?! I about shit a brick.. and told them that I like men.. not women..I'm not marrying Lyndsey.. she's a friend. Furthermore, I told them that when I move back they are going to have a reality check to who I really am b/c I am not this prim & proper person they think I am. I actually say Fuck.. I drink & I sometimes SMOKE! Drama fest in Gladstone!
Then, I rounded up my older brother and his friend Travis, and we headed to Boomer's Bar and got Trickity Trashed! I needed that.

Sunday rolled around and I made it down to the plaza for my interview with California Pizza Kitchen. It when Phenomenally! I am stoked and I totally want to work for them over Harrah's. But here's the catch.. The job will either be in St.Louis or Chicago.
What about the house? The Mortgage? My Stable Security of Kansas City.. yeah. its gone. More on all of this later as I have to study for a test and I am waiting to hear back from the CPK corporate recruiter lady.

Sat, 19 Mar 2005 08:17:00 GMT

In KC this weekend.. I'll update ya'll later! O So much to tell!

Have a good one!

CrAzYnEsS!

Thu, 17 Mar 2005 08:04:44 GMT

Today.. went to recruiters fair...
it was pure anxiety! I soooo needed a Paxil!
but at the end of the event I ended up with 3 interviews for Thursday
1. California Pizza Kitchen
2. Old Spaghetti Factory
3. Olive Garden

I have those 3 and a test for Thursday.. pure hell!
Wish Me Luck.. I'll update after I get off of work and let ya'll know how it went!
Now to writing my paper thats due before the test .. Gaw.. my everlasting hell.

The Pink Panther Made Me Do it!

Wed, 16 Mar 2005 09:58:59 GMT

Dear LJ:
I haven't updated you in a long time.. and I'm sorry! Well, Chicago was a blast! I truly did have a good time other then the fact that it was Freezing! and I heard it was 80s here in Springfield, which is upsetting... but whateva! Margaret Cho was wonderful as usual and I ran over my first animal ever! OMG.. on the way to KC, I was driving like a bat outta hell (when don't i?) and there was this poor raccoon crossing 13 right out of Osceola and we were going about 85, and my damn truck sure has to be the highest rated for roll over on the market so... it was either bye bye raccoon or bye bye truck and maybe me... so I chose the Coon. It was skurry.. and I really honestly felt bad for like 15 minutes. Crate & Barrel has to be my FAVORITE store in the world! I found everything that I want for my house.. Now I just have to convince Honey Sue to buy it. She agreed to furnish my house for graduation instead of buying me a new car. The Exploder is an 03 so she'll last a few more years I suppose.. anyway.. its a busy week with tests, work, & recruiters fair.. Its late in the morning and Im printing off my resume. I got myself a stellar Suit and new shoes too.. Not that I am all too caring about this b/c i already kinda have a job lined up.. but I never leave my options closed. I just hate the whole process.. being fake and smiling and kissing ass to get the job. I've became good at it though. Im headed to KC this weekend.. ahh.. and I my schedule is packed ALL weekend! This month blows! Please April get here soon! I have NOTHING to do in April! I'm kinda excited for it to get here.. lord schools almost over! Until Next Time.. This is Jefferson Signing off!

What 2 Do?

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 20:28:12 GMT

Oh I Don't Know What To DO!?!

1. Go to class @ 3 then work @ 5p-1:30a?
2. Go Tan, Go Work out, then work?

I'm thinking #2!...wait that sounds like I'm gonna go take a crap!.. anyway.. off to the Cancer Box of Light.

Order? Control? Maybe lack there of..

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 10:03:41 GMT

OKay... That die quiz... is about interesting. So here I sit, 4 fucking sometime in the morning.. just finished working out.. bored off my ass and well.. all I can think about is Chicago, how half my left hand is numb (sign of a stroke?lol), my left ankle hurts like a mother fawker, how I can't stand my job with Hotels.com (which is being sued along with Orbitz, Expedia, & Travelocity), how I hate my apartment and living in it and that i think it would be nice to see it go up in flames! now.. if a fire would happen im skrewed b/c they, the insurance company, will totally find this entry and not pay me anything, and yeah.. i can't sleep I dread coming home to this place though.. its trashed.. my roommate owes me money.. and now more money b/c i have more bills for her to pay, its just gross in here, and i just need to get the fuck out.

Thank gawd that I am going to Chicago this weekend or I think I would go ape shit. Some good news is that I pretty much got a job with Harrah's in KC. I had my interview on Monday, and it went really well. I am going to talk with the director of F & B on the 19th? yeah.. the 19th and basically get paperwork shit accomplished.

My life is moving.. but am i on board? Not mentally right now. There is toooo much stuff going on for me to even contemplate or think about much. OH well.. Life.. How ya doing? I'm Jeff... Lead me in the direction I should be going.

I downloaded all this gay techno music off of iTunes.. and made a mix out of it that I call "So Gay 4 K" K = Kendal. He loved it and I gave him a copy ..

BTW.. KC Shane is a blast to talk with.. I really can't wait to get to know him more.. I say that, but then I am still 10 kinds of scared. I actually am scared of relationships.. no.. not just for him, but in general. Maybe that is why mine never work.. because I am so freaked out, that I never am truly committed to them, share all of me, and actually be myself.. Is it that I am trying to protect myself so much, that I can never let go..
I dunno if its just that.. or that my trust in people has never been restored after it was ruined at the age of 8 to 10. Its funny how the effects of my uncle doing bad things to me at such an early age, can fuck with my entire rest of my life. It explains a lot.. but how do I overcome that? Maybe I need to get back to therapy... Maybe I quit therapy b/c I was too scared to deal with the issues at hand. Maybe I pretended that I had dealt with them and that I had overcame.. and maybe nothing actually got solved. .. Jesus.. this is all I need right now.. I really thought this shit was over.. but no. Thank you oh great mind of Jeff Lewis.. thanks for bringing up the horrid memories..thanks for the issues.. thanks for that root... the cause to all this shit.
(my mood went to good.. to shitty.. in a matter of a paragraph)

OK... I'm going to go have some celery and file some paperwork. Yeah, I'm trying to get things in order around here. It's a process that never seems to end and maybe call mom... yeah at 4am.

What Die am I?

Wed, 09 Mar 2005 09:36:17 GMT

Take the quiz at dicepool.com

There's two ways to end up with this result. Either you picked the silliest possible answer to each question, or you answered honestly, and happen to be hyperactive, manic, loon. Assuming you answered honestly, your profile is as follows: You are the 100-sided dice, also known as the legendary Zocchihedron. You are the bit of data that registers so far off the chart that the average person doesn't even know you exist. You are desperate for attention and will get it any way you can. Your jokes have the lowest laugh ratio, but you go for quantity, not quality. Once you get started on a pointless tangent, it takes a group effort to bring you back to reality and make you shut up. You are a distraction who is permanently distracted. You consider yourself silly and entertaining, but everyone else complains about how lame and annoying you are. The one secret they aren't telling you, is how they sometimes actually miss the noise when you're gone.

This & That

Sun, 06 Mar 2005 21:03:06 GMT

So.. this weekend has treated me pretty well. Last night, I went to Harpo's with a whole bunch of Lyndsey's friends and roommates friends and I didn't know any of them! It was kind of scary, but I ended up having a great time. After Harpo's some of us went to Tropical Liquors and had a alcoholic smoothie and a few shots. Then they closed around midnight and then we went back to one of the girls place, and had a few beers and a few laughs. This whole night reminded me of how fun it truely is to be a college student. Because I would say some things... like mention trying to get a big kids job or frequent flyer miles.. and I was like... Who Am I? I'm not 35! Lord .. why am I growing up so fast? No one should even care about that bull shit right now. All I know is that I have like 7 weeks of class left and I'm going to enjoy it as much as possible. Also yesterday, I ran in to Two of Kendals X's ... yeah.. it was an akward moment. hahaha the drama from back in the day... you gotta love it.
Also! I'm never paying for the upgraded Car wash at Kum & Go again! I thought I was going to be nice to my truck and spend the full $5.50 for the nice wax and stuff.. well.. I finish the entire car wash.. start to exit .. and the wind tunnel turns on... and then there is this freaking bird! just sitting there.. taunting me in my truck.. sitting on the edge of the car wash building... and yes... the fucker poops on my hood! I was extremely pissed.. then had to go get quarters and went over to Ye Ole Buggy Bath and wash the shit off. Oh well.
Today I've got cleaning on my adjenda and a bit of studying. Tomorrow I have work.. an Exciting Phone interview with Harrah's and then a fast Dinner Date with this new gentleman, then a test.

OH Weekend!

Fri, 04 Mar 2005 08:29:20 GMT

Thank god it's Friday! I am ready for this week to be over. I finally sent my information to Harrah's of KC today, and the director of Food & Bev wrote me back! Looks hopeful! Next weekend is Chicago and I am so excited. Margaret Cho.. and a kick ass hotel.. and shopping! Tonight I am really tired, I had a glass of like some 2 week old wine I bought, Im not sure if it tastes good.. but its killing those fun filled brain cells.
I think I'm gonna go read a book.
& maybe have another glass of wine..

Is it true that we accept the love we think we deserve? Thank you Kendal, for planting that seed in my mind.

Plan This

Wed, 02 Mar 2005 10:35:29 GMT

My Planner for March:

March 3: Jason's B-Day (wahoo for making a phone call)
March 11-13: Chicago
March 14: St. Louis
March 16-17: HRA Recruiters Fair
March 19-20: Kansas City
March 27: St. Louis
March 28-April 3: Panama City Beach, FL

Of course I have some tests & class stuff, WORK, and just things like sleep, cleaning, and free time to mix in there.. oh wait.. maybe no free time. & I have to find time to interview with companies.. Welcome to my life for March.

THANKS MARCH!

Update Update!

Tue, 01 Mar 2005 20:17:24 GMT

(From Yahoo! Astrology) Libra:
Keeping things light-hearted and pleasant is your astrological specialty, but it may not be such a piece of cake now. Someone is deliberately stirring up trouble, and doing a fine job of it. Funny thing is, as good as you are at keeping the peace, you're equally good at defending it. You won't stand for this, and you shouldn't. Let all parties concerned know that you can only be pushed so far -- and this happens to be your limit.

Oh how true the stars are this time! So Bradley stirs up shit this past weekend b/t Phil, Himself, & I. I'm pissed, Phillips pissed, and Brads in the middle. Then today, Brad has some show he's producing that I agreed to go to before this weekend occurred.. and the weekend occured... and he still expects me to go! Okay people.. here's my thing: I'm a pretty nice guy, will do most anything for anyone.. as long as things are going well. If you start being a douche bag, stirring things up.. pissing people off.. in my world, I'm not such a happy person. All I'm saying is that you can't expect me to be nice and do nice things, If you are going to be a shithead and shit all over me.

Other than all this crap, I had a good weekened at home. Spent Saturday day on the Plaza with mom and Lyndsey.. shopping for home decor. I think I found my new bedroom set @ Z Gallerie then spent the evening with Terry.. drinking and talking.. Sunday was hang out with the parents day. We watched Sunday TV and read the Sunday paper.

Welcome To March.. It should end up to be an interesting one.

Even The Best Fall Down Sometime

Thu, 24 Feb 2005 09:46:13 GMT

Jeff aka the chicken with his head cut off! I have been everywhere doing everything (not everyone lol!), School, Work, Wine Tasting Event today, getting things pressed, actually doing laundry, getting things in order for my Bar & Bev project, surviving Western Civ, Getting an "in" with Harrah's KC (thanks to Greg), Lewis aka Shannon getting engaged, going to KC this weekend b/c dad has tax shit to do and Lyndz has an interview up there too, shopping for a new stellar suit, wal mart runs (not for the suit! pleeese!), chicago comming up, panama city beach coming up, graduation around the corner, getting announcements, signing up for the exit exam, ordering house warming invites (naomi likes to call it house heating, in my case too many gays would equate a house fire!.. thanks naomi) party, doing my taxes, paying credit cards off, and sleep. Get Me Out of Springfield! New People, New Places, New Jobs, New Ideas...

BTW.. It doesn't pay to be a nice guy.. So I've stopped
Those of you That Believe What Others Say & Don't Have the Balls to be str8 up honest with me .. I Really Don't Care About You or Want Anything To Do With Ya.
Oh The Rumor Mill..Its Funny How People Believe Anything People Say Without Really Considering the Source. People only see, hear, & read what they want to.. Remember to think about the entire picture..
That Damn "Jump To Conclusions Mat" Needs to just GO!

(stepping off that soap box for the last time b/c i'm not going to waste my time to deal with that old skewl drama anymore... enough said)

I need some Hawaiian Punch and a day off!

Don't Ask... Don't Tell

Sat, 19 Feb 2005 09:23:25 GMT

o... say.. u saw your ex bf's new thing out at the club
and he wasn't with ur ex but scammin on some other guy..
do u say anything.. or is it just life..
he hates me (the X that is)... on the outside.. from what i know.. prob on the inside too
im stuck in the mud on this one...
hmm.. will he take advice from me because I Actually CARE, and not twist it into me being vindictive.. Then I'm thinking I should tell him..
But if he's going to see it as me attempting to be pissy and cause drama ..
Then I'd just let him learn his own damned lesson..
i just hate to see people to get hurt.
SO... Samir comes into town today... and Mr Seal.. Samir & I are going to dinner.. This should end up being fun. I'm a bit nervous to meet this kid b/c has done a lot with politics and things... Hopefully it will be some good conversation.
Mom, Dad, & Abbie (PUPPY DAWG!) are coming down next weekend! I'm excited! But.. I have to clean up the place... ahh... cleaning.. my enemy Till Next time...

?? ?? ?? ?? So many questions..

Thu, 17 Feb 2005 10:18:53 GMT

How my life never changes but does change... and my ultimate confusion. SO... I think to myself, is this really it? Working for pops? or being middle management for a restaurant corp and working for the man? I dunno what to think, i am so confused and I just have this feeling of More.. there has to be More going on with me.. more to my life.. something other than this? I dunno if its just that graduation is right around the corner and I am questioning my last 4 yrs and my major or what. Then I keep thinking to myself.. I left KC as one person.. came to Springfield and developed to who I am today... now Im going back to kc a whole new person.. whats it going to be like? All this adjustment! Being a no one to being a someone to being a no one again? Can this really be right? All that I have actually accomplished in college.. is now going to be trivial to the people of KC. I don't think I'm going to like this. Then Kendall.. continues to talk about his pseudo-relationship.. which inturn makes me want to have a relationship. Just to have that feeling of being with someone when you go to things like Weddings, parties, & such.. and you're like.. yeah my boyfriend blah blah is over there.. and you look across the room and make eye contact with him and you have that Bond. guh.. Its just so wierd... that feeling of security.. feeling of commitment.. and just the feeling of love... having someone that accepts you for you.. your faults and all. thats what i'm looking for. then there is this boy i've known for an ample amount of time.. we've talked on & off for about ..2 years. & I actually met him once and we watched a movie @ his place. Its so wierd b/c I fell like that could be "insta- love" relationship where we would just so click and we could go get our union of whatever the shit you wanna call it.. but then.. I'm just like ... there are so many boys out there.. especially when im going to be fresh meat in kc. lord.. but could i actually pass up this hunk .. just to get some 1 nighters.. and to play the field? I am very sick of all of this.. I am so indecisive and cannot make up my mind.

So..I'm Not Lonely.. Just Confused.. Too Many Questions.. Too Many Decisions.. Not Enough Answers.. Not Enough Time
Scared of the future? Yeah.. Will things turn out okay? Probably.. the the unknown blows!

I LOVE YOU CELINE!

Perfectly Good Day.. & Now I'm Pissed

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 19:24:38 GMT

So.. I'm sitting in the dining area of the apartment studying and listening to some tunes. Starla & Fuck Face come in and Star is like "What's wrong?" I reply "Oh nothing.. just studying for my make up test today." They go sit down and start eating.. something that scum bag probably made her buy b/c he doesn't work and lives off welfare. Then I hear "We rented Sharks Tale" or whatever the shit that movie is. I continue reading my notes. Then I hear the movie come on.. and then they turn it up over my music. Didn't I say "I'm studying for a test?"

HOW FUCKING INCONSIDERATE!
I just wanna go unplug my TV & DVD player and say FUCK U. GO get your own Entertainment center, TV, DVD Player, Stereo, and Surround Sound! IM FUCKING STUDYING! Jesus! The nerve of some people.

Never! Will I EVER HAVE A ROOMMATE AGAIN!

Unless its my boyfriend.. then its okay. :)

Ahh.. The Weekend Is Here!

Fri, 11 Feb 2005 17:04:56 GMT

So Last night after work, I meet up with Justin Lozano & Georges Steakhouse. This place is typically a pretty good greasy spoon type of place to sit and enjoy some late night breakfast or something crazy. While I was partaking in the fulfillment of my hunger by enjoying a Cheeseburger & Tots! (OMG TOTS!).. Justin & I had a little visitor. OH.. it wasn't just your ordinary visitor .. It was eveyones favorite funfilled friend Ricky Roach! I about yacked EVERYWHERE! Justin couldn't stop laughing... I promptly informed the waitress who had no clue what was going on in the world. I am serious when I say there was about a 4 second delay in her processing system. Here is an example of what I'm talking about. " I'll have some tots, & can I get a side of Ranch? 1....2....3...4.... Umm.. okay.. so we have tots and a side of ranch?!" Ahh.. crazy.. and when she saw the roach.. she was like uhh thats gross and wanted ME to kill it! Yes! I'll do it, while I call the county health inspectors! Lord.. and we only got 10% off. I was like screw it.. I'm going home and taking a shower. It so felt like the crying game in the shower.. I kept feeling crawly things on me all night while I was sleeping!

So, today I went to see my Probation Officer... and now its someone new. Pure Bliss... or not so much. This lady is a hard ass while my old one would was going to not make me do shit. Anyway, I have to meet with her again in May. Wow.. lets talk about how "Supervised" this Supervised probation is. Not that I should complain or anything.. but its really quite the joke. I have an appointment about once every 4 months. I get there and she's just like.. how are things? Fine. Have you done your community service? No. OKay.. get on that and we'll see you here again soon. Total elapsed time 3 minutes. It took me longer to Drive there than the freaking MEETING! Guh. SO now.. I am off to re shower.. then to take a test @ 2. Yeah, I kind of missed my Western Civ test .. (I slept in!) but whats new?

Did Everything Come Out Okay?

Thu, 10 Feb 2005 11:52:15 GMT

Ahh.. how boring my life can be sometimes. So I got a huge 30cent raise @ work. Uhh so now I make 8.80/hr? Wow! and thats Full TIME! How do people live on these low wages?! My mom informed me that people don't live as "richly" as I do. Who's fault is that? Who raised me? Who always took me to the mall.. who always got me a new shirt every week? Its not like I'm gonna sit there and be like "No.. quit buying me new things.. oh no.. stop getting me the best!" Come on people.. Am I spoiled? Yes! Do I flaunt it? No. My final comment on this subject is this: My "rich-like" lifestyle is due to years of my parents spoiling me. This is not my Fault! And its not like I had a choice what parents I had. So people that have a problem with me & this subject that pertains to my financial situation.. You can just F U C K off!
Next.. So I have two tests today.. Guh.. 1) Western Civ. I should have taken this class yrs ago but my dumbass thought it would be a good idea to spread out my gen-ed. Big Mistake! This 100 level class is the hardest class I have this semester. 2) Bar & Beverage Operations. So I have no clue what this test is going to be about. Seems like common sense to me. Yeah.. Its 5 somthin in the morning.. I should probably get to sleep. Face Book Wha? Maybe I'll get around to putting that together. We'll See

Hotdogs Give Me Energy So I Can Fight off My Daddy

Tue, 08 Feb 2005 09:50:13 GMT

4 days.. and the stories i could tell. So, I went home to KC for the weekend.. which I had mixed times..(fun, bored, tired, and exciting) Saturday, I slept in. Passed on going to Sesame Street Live with my niece & Mom and Dad. Met up with them and went to dinner. Then went to a birthday party for some friends of mine from back in the day of Worlds of Fun. Wow.. how that took me back. I saw people I haven't seen in YEARS! It was kind of fun, but kind of sad. Have I changed? Have they changed? Yes.. & no.. & yes.. & no. Then I went to this Homo Bar in KC called NV. I thought that I was dressed okay for this place upon entering... Then my perspective changed. Lord! I need to change my clothing collection and do some updating. More colors and less bland. I had a okay time. I just felt like an outcast because I didn't know anyone really.. except Robert and his gang. I think he felt WAY obligated to introduce me to people. Then I saw some old Springfield boys.. and I dunno.. after about an hour of being there I wanted to leave. Kc Gays are a different Breed then Springfield Gays. You see, I wasn't out in KC and haven't really experienced the town. Sunday was a rainy ass day! I went and picked up my Gal Pal Emily and we went to lunch and I showed her my new place! It was so exciting! Check out the link to the joint!
http://www.bensonplace.com/brookview/

Then I drove back to Springfield. That night, I had my meeting with Mr. Kendal Seal. This conversation was Very interesting.. We had moments where we both wanted to cry.. ring each others necks.. and smack the other bitch down.. lol.. but in the end, we worked out everything and now, we are working on our friendship. So, today. I felt like shit! Shit ! Shit ! Shit! & I called into work. You are supposed to either leave a voice mail or talk to a supervisor. I had to work @ 7a, so I called in at around 445 am and left a voicemail. Later today I get a phone call and apparently, they didn't get the message! Was I that messed up on over the counter medicine that I really didn't call? Or did the message just get lost in voicemail hell? Who knows. They marked me down as a No Call/No Show, which to this company means instant Termination. Thats all I need. So, after yacking up my guts (no.. im not bulimic!) I called them back and tried to straighten things out. I still have a job, although I may be written up. Whew. Tonight, after my test, that I was somewhat composed looking for, pretending I didn't feel like shit, I went to Barnes & Noble and picked up some books for my project, some house mags, and some random book Mr. K recommended for me. Tonight, I made some Chicken & Broccoli & have been going through my file cabinet. I have found some pretty funny things.
Also, my friend Locke pointed out this clip for me.. I think its the Pilot to Sesame Street from back in the day. You should watch it although it is like 14 minutes of funny! http://www.ebaumsworld.com/kidsshow2.html